Soylent Green is People!
I thought it was just a movie. Remember that movie? Soylent Green? It was back in the 60’s, I believe. They made a movie about turning people into instant food. I didn’t think it was true, I mean it is Hollywood, right?
Well, it isn’t Tinsel Town. I don’t know if Hollywood made the name up or if this new company made their name up or if it was one or the other. These days does it really even matter? Everyone copies the other. No one even has an original idea anymore and I thought these people were just playing on the name Soylent Green. Boy, was I wrong!
I ordered some just for kicks. It’s a meal replacement powder for those who want to lose weight or stay healthy. It has all of the essential and non-essential vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. The flavors are Lynched Lime, Gangster Grape, Hooked on Honeysuckle, and Murderous Mango. The names were pretty interesting and weird so I thought it was a great gimmick. It kind of grossed me out, but I had to try. They listed their ingredients as soy products and their own proprietary blend of flavors, vitamins, and minerals that came from all natural sources and includes at least 200% of your daily requirements of all vitamins and minerals then listed all of them–including the amino acids. It had everything and had the perfect combination of fat, protein, and carbs.
When the first shipment came in, I reluctantly tried it. The name still made me feel ill. I kept thinking of the line in the move Soylent Green where Charlton Heston who played Detective Thorn says “Ocean’s dying, plankton’s dying… it’s people. Soylent Green is made out of people. They’re making our food out of people. Next thing they’ll be breeding us like cattle for food. You’ve gotta tell them. You’ve gotta tell them!”
I mixed it with water. They said to always use water because the cattle were polluting our air with methane and that eating any kind of meat like cow and chicken was murder. I kind of laughed as I read that, still remembering the movie Soylent Green. If they joked about the flick, why couldn’t I? It wasn’t like they were actually crushing up human flesh and bones then pouring it into soft drinks.
The first taste surprised me. I was extremely pleased. It was not too sweet and it was beautifully tart–almost like a fresh squeezed lime. I love the tart flavor of limes, but I wanted to try all of them so I ordered the mixed flavor pack. I laughed at the names. They sounded like crazy phrases from a crime show. I couldn’t wait to see what they came out with for orange and punch flavors.
For days I consumed Soylent Green. It was the only thing I could eat! I felt so satisfied and full just after one glass. I had more energy than ever and not having the time to cook gave me more time to enjoy my wonderful drink. I was obsessed and needed more. They were out of Hooked on Honeydew, which was ok because it wasn’t my favorite, so I ordered more Lynched Lime and Gangster Grape. As I shook up a new mix of the two in the bottle that I ordered from Amazon just to mix my new favorite meal drink, the news came on with some astonishing information.
“Crime is down all over the country. Even in heavily concentrated spots where it seemed impossible to bring down the crime levels.”
I turned up the tv as I started up the treadmill and began my morning walking regimen. Same as it ever was. Crime might have lowered in our country, but in others it was up. War was still going. Terrorists were still bombing innocent people. Always depressing. At least I had my new drink and I could make my life better, I thought to myself. The news went on about people who were disappearing from the streets until someone started banging on my door.
The knocking brought me out of my self gratifying daze and I jumped off of the treadmill. “Let me in, Jess!”
“What is it, Paul?” It was a friend of mine I had known since high school. He let himself in and just started blabbering about our friend Sandee who had been missing for months.
“I thought I finally found her. When she lost her job she went to this homeless camp up in the city. They said she was there for months and then started turning tricks. Dammit, Jess. I wish I could have found her before that happened. I couldn’t find her in jail. They said they let her out and then lost track of her. The people at the homeless camp said she just disappeared after that without a trace. Just gone. Her tent and bags were gone, too. Some homeless shelter took them, but she never showed up there. I’m worried, Jess.”
He grabbed a Hooked on Honeydew drink and popped it open then started drinking. “Damn, this is good.”
I looked at the name of the drink and the company. “Soylent Green. Hooked on Honeydew. Soylent Green is people,” I said out loud, then thought about our friend. Then thought about the lesser crime and the missing people. Suddenly, I felt ill.
“What? You look green!” he looked at the can and covered his mouth real fast. “What the hell, Jess? Don’t think like that.”
“I can’t help, Paul. I mean, what if it’s true?”
“It’s just a movie, Jess. They aren’t really killing people and certainly not putting them into food. They wouldn’t do that.”
“People are missing all around the country, Paul. Everywhere. They were just reporting how it is people who wouldn’t be missed. Homeless, criminals without family. She had no family Paul, and we weren’t there for her.”
After I convinced him that something bad was going on, he agreed to help. We looked for our friend for months, but still couldn’t find her. People are still disappearing in the city and the new drink is the most popular ever. No one will test it for us. No one. Not the college, not even the cops. After I started asking around about testing the drink I began receiving anonymous threats over my email and my cell phone–on a number that no one knows. Now my friend Paul has gone missing and I’m scared. I don’t know who to turn to.
Soylent Green is real! It is People!
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